Violent video games have encouraged the killing of innocent people for sport,” alleged Iowan Senator Chuck Grassley earlier this year. Those of you who pay attention to politics may remember Senator Grassley as the man that claimed the government was going to pull the plug on grandma. And while we may not know if video games are also responsible for the skyrocketing rates of forced euthanasia on senior citizens in America, Franklin Graham (son of Reverend Billy Graham, both unrelated to Hulk Hogan’s mentor and former WWE champion “Superstar” Billy Graham) agrees with Grassley, and took to debating this with Ron Burgundy’s twin brother John Stossel on Fox.

God understands violence, says Graham. He’s known it ever since that time Jesus used to work part-time at GameStop, and was nailed to a tree by violent gamers when he couldn’t fulfill their Call of Duty preorders, despite offering them lots of free wine and an eternity in paradise. Perhaps had he offered to multiply their hats in Team Fortress, the Son of God would still be around with us today, but hindsight is always 20/20 in these situations.

Since we have this pesky Constitution, we can’t ban games, but we can tax violence. Levy a tax on all violence, unless it involves our wars overseas, because bombed out cities are really good targets for your missionary work.

What Graham wasn’t quite expecting when he started the usual “violent games make people violent” rhetoric that we’ve heard ad nauseum on the news the past twenty years, was that a news anchor was ready to challenge him with statistics: yes, we may have more violent media today, but violent crime is down! There is no evidence whatsoever that games make people violent. Stossel shuts him down in a checkmate articulated almost as well as my famous State of the Union addresses, leaving Graham to quibble on about needing evidence about violent video games.

Yes folks, we need evidence. We already have statistics that point otherwise, but we need to have evidence that specifically supports our unfounded assertions.

Ronald Reagan served as the 40th President of the United States from 1981 through 1989, is an avid Castlevania fan, and once single-handedly beat up Mikhail Gorbachev in a bare-knuckle boxing match. You can find him on Facebook.

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Ronald Wilson Reagan
You may know me as the man who singlehandedly destroyed communism. I was also the President of the United States at one point.

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